You wouldn’t know it by looking at her. You see on the outside she’s proverbs 31:25 and she can laugh at the days to come. She’s strong and resilient. She’s the kind of girl that will mask her emotions in order to help everyone around her. Her faith is strong and unshakable even though she’s been through many trials most aren’t even aware of. You see a smile. You see a woman who has life figured out. You see happiness. You might even wish you had whatever she’s got. Don’t let this fool you. She is truly blessed beyond measure. But you forget looks can be deceiving.
What you don’t see is her breaking. You don’t see how someone that seems to have life together can be totally falling apart. You don’t see her shattered heart or the weight of her world she carries. You don’t see her insecurities that have been imbedded in her brain over the years by peers and ex boyfriends. You don’t see the scars on her heart because she continues to love like they aren’t there. You don’t see the burden she carries of wondering if she’s fulfilling her purpose for this earth. There are so many depths to her soul she wonders if anyone will ever see and appreciate them all.
She holds onto the hope for He is forever faithful (1 Corinthians 1:9) She knows God is writing her story better than she could ever imagine. She knows she’s more than a pencil in the hand of God. She’s a paintbrush. She lives far too loud in color to be anything less. She knows she’s untamed and has flaws but she loves herself for that. She has had a unique journey and can see why every season and trial had to happen up to this point. She wonders how she can be so certain and uncertain all at the same time. How she can feel so happy but defeated.
Her own faith amazes her at how she can be so sure of good things to come when she’s walking so blindly. She knows the desires in heart are God given. She knows her worth and the love she deserves. What she doesn’t know is how the rest of her story will play out. She doesn’t understand the feeling of love she knows she deserves. She can’t wrap her head around what she hasn’t already experienced. She cannot comprehend a love so great yet. Maybe it’s because she’s not ready.
How does a woman who is use to running full speed and diving in head first just be still? She doesn’t have that kind of patience but she’s learning. She’s ready to run but her feet are planted. Her story has many chapters. She’s just waiting for her person to come along to read and love them all.